So I just watched the creepiest adaptation film ever. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was also one of the cheesiest movies I've ever seen but still. 'Invasion of the Bodysnatchers' is a bit like 1984, in the idea that it's a human race with no variance: built for the whole as opposed to the individual with ultimate control and acquiescence among everyone. It's had four versions, probably because it's one of those topics that everyone is always a little fascinated but a little crept out by.
The positive aspects of such an existence I guess would be world peace: not active happy peace like the 1960s Flower Child ideal, but no active wars either. That said, creativity is original and therefore individual, literature is original, innovation is original. While I'm against the wrong kind of innovation such as mass destruction style innovations, there are some innovations that are inarguably good.
Without individual exploration and creation, we wouldn't have chocolate. We also wouldn't know that chocolate triggers serotonin release into the brain, thus creating a happy feeling, because the scientist who discovered that would not have been original and individual enough to choose his path into science. We would not have passion since individual choice of partners and therefore chemistry couldn't occur. We wouldn't have arguments. I hate to say it, but sometimes they're necessary. I'm a lot closer to some of the friends I've had the biggest fights with because it strengthens the friendship and helps you know and appreciate that person that much more.
When I first read 1984, I was around 14 and so as much as I felt ever so grown up and clever reading it, only so much of the concept actually made sense to me, and it didn't seem that much of a groundbreaking book as a result. Seeing that film (the 1993 version if anyone cares) reminded me of '1984' and brought the concept back, except for now I've had the chance to really grow into my own individuality and my own personal choices, it is suddenly clear how awful a concept 1984 raises, and sadly, how many features of the parental government emulates it.
I'm not saying we're throwing out books or using Newspeak yet. But I'm not exactly saying we're not either. We don't exactly make a point of making our old history books available: they're too embarrassing to the developing world. And newspeak... political correctness anyone? Maybe I'm just being politically correctedly challenged but there seems to be some pretty similar concepts coming up as of late. I'll admit to being libertarian politically anyway, and literature and movies like this just reinstate that.
4 years of my life are currently sat against my bedroom wall, waiting to be packed away. Meanwhile, today is father's day and I wish nothing more than that I'd done this 2 weeks ago. My dad opened his card and prezzie today and I let him know the last part was on its way when I come home in 2 weeks (an awesome addition which I will mention again when I give it to him lol). He texted back that his best prezzie was coming home in 2 weeks anyway. How much is that the best dad in the whole world?!
I cannot wait to be home. I thought this would be scary but its turning out to be a big relief. I don't have to hold up a hard edge anymore, I don't have to be cold with people upon meeting them cos it's likely they're out to fuck me over. I can just chill out and enjoy the present, without tears for the past, without fear for the future.
My life has taken on one of those seismic period shifts again, where everything suddenly changes and I know an era in my life is over. I loved this period but it's time to let go.
Oh, and the kid who adopted Coffee - has his picture as his blog background with a mood of 'Love'... perfect. :)
So I never expected to be saying this. 6 months ago I was in a very different place. I was between two guys. I had recently broken up with one in the worst possible way (re: he was a cheater) and I had literally sat wishing he would crawl under a rock and die. I then met a different guy who swept me away. He was everything a New York relationship isn't. He asked for exclusivity on the second date. He cooked dinner on Valentine's. He put me on the phone to talk with his dad. And then three months in texted me to break up. No joke. Because he didn't really want a relationship, after pushing it forward at every stage. I was crushed. I tried being friends with him. I tried hating him. I tried thinking maybe in the future. But it's all pointless. What he did was wrong but that's his problem and his problem to sort of his behavior and karma.
But I just had my iTunes on Random and one of the songs from that break up came on. My friend Katie had sent it to me after the break up. 'Unanswered Prayers' by Garth Brooks and I sat and cried the first time I heard it because I couldn't imagine what any possible G-d could be thinking putting me through two consecutive torturing endings. Suddenly it makes sense. I'm not meant to be here right now. I wouldn't be convinced by graduating: it had to take more and this just about did it. Now I have this overwhelming sense of relief to go home. Whether or not I stay in Britain forever, right now I need it. I need the people, I need the culture, I need the family and I need to be out of NY. I guess 'Unanswered Prayers' makes sense suddenly.
