There's a weird nostalgia for me connected to Britain that I can't describe very well to anyone who doesn't understand growing up in England and living in the US. Though the language is the same in the countries, the culture is undeniably different.
It's not big things and not the things you'd assume: though I miss certain food items it's not nostalgic and though I get homesick for family, there are still phones. I guess it's the simplicity. The feeling of peace while we used to drive to my Nana's house every Sunday morning. Lazy Sundays driving around with my mum and dad. Salad sandwiches at Kirkstall Abby with Becks. Just lying with my dog on the swing outside, watching the day go by.
I can have these amazing experiences in NYC like clubbing until it's light outside, or margaritas on a Sunday, or brunch in a 3 starred Michelin restaurant. But in New York, things are always complicated. There always a dark cloud. Maybe it is the family thing, cos in Britain, there's always a silver lining, and no matter how bad things are going I can go and sit at home with my family and have a cup of sweet tea, and everything just feels better.
4 years of my life are currently sat against my bedroom wall, waiting to be packed away. Meanwhile, today is father's day and I wish nothing more than that I'd done this 2 weeks ago. My dad opened his card and prezzie today and I let him know the last part was on its way when I come home in 2 weeks (an awesome addition which I will mention again when I give it to him lol). He texted back that his best prezzie was coming home in 2 weeks anyway. How much is that the best dad in the whole world?!
I cannot wait to be home. I thought this would be scary but its turning out to be a big relief. I don't have to hold up a hard edge anymore, I don't have to be cold with people upon meeting them cos it's likely they're out to fuck me over. I can just chill out and enjoy the present, without tears for the past, without fear for the future.
My life has taken on one of those seismic period shifts again, where everything suddenly changes and I know an era in my life is over. I loved this period but it's time to let go.
Oh, and the kid who adopted Coffee - has his picture as his blog background with a mood of 'Love'... perfect. :)
