There's a weird nostalgia for me connected to Britain that I can't describe very well to anyone who doesn't understand growing up in England and living in the US. Though the language is the same in the countries, the culture is undeniably different.
It's not big things and not the things you'd assume: though I miss certain food items it's not nostalgic and though I get homesick for family, there are still phones. I guess it's the simplicity. The feeling of peace while we used to drive to my Nana's house every Sunday morning. Lazy Sundays driving around with my mum and dad. Salad sandwiches at Kirkstall Abby with Becks. Just lying with my dog on the swing outside, watching the day go by.
I can have these amazing experiences in NYC like clubbing until it's light outside, or margaritas on a Sunday, or brunch in a 3 starred Michelin restaurant. But in New York, things are always complicated. There always a dark cloud. Maybe it is the family thing, cos in Britain, there's always a silver lining, and no matter how bad things are going I can go and sit at home with my family and have a cup of sweet tea, and everything just feels better.
4 years of my life are currently sat against my bedroom wall, waiting to be packed away. Meanwhile, today is father's day and I wish nothing more than that I'd done this 2 weeks ago. My dad opened his card and prezzie today and I let him know the last part was on its way when I come home in 2 weeks (an awesome addition which I will mention again when I give it to him lol). He texted back that his best prezzie was coming home in 2 weeks anyway. How much is that the best dad in the whole world?!
I cannot wait to be home. I thought this would be scary but its turning out to be a big relief. I don't have to hold up a hard edge anymore, I don't have to be cold with people upon meeting them cos it's likely they're out to fuck me over. I can just chill out and enjoy the present, without tears for the past, without fear for the future.
My life has taken on one of those seismic period shifts again, where everything suddenly changes and I know an era in my life is over. I loved this period but it's time to let go.
Oh, and the kid who adopted Coffee - has his picture as his blog background with a mood of 'Love'... perfect. :)
So I never expected to be saying this. 6 months ago I was in a very different place. I was between two guys. I had recently broken up with one in the worst possible way (re: he was a cheater) and I had literally sat wishing he would crawl under a rock and die. I then met a different guy who swept me away. He was everything a New York relationship isn't. He asked for exclusivity on the second date. He cooked dinner on Valentine's. He put me on the phone to talk with his dad. And then three months in texted me to break up. No joke. Because he didn't really want a relationship, after pushing it forward at every stage. I was crushed. I tried being friends with him. I tried hating him. I tried thinking maybe in the future. But it's all pointless. What he did was wrong but that's his problem and his problem to sort of his behavior and karma.
But I just had my iTunes on Random and one of the songs from that break up came on. My friend Katie had sent it to me after the break up. 'Unanswered Prayers' by Garth Brooks and I sat and cried the first time I heard it because I couldn't imagine what any possible G-d could be thinking putting me through two consecutive torturing endings. Suddenly it makes sense. I'm not meant to be here right now. I wouldn't be convinced by graduating: it had to take more and this just about did it. Now I have this overwhelming sense of relief to go home. Whether or not I stay in Britain forever, right now I need it. I need the people, I need the culture, I need the family and I need to be out of NY. I guess 'Unanswered Prayers' makes sense suddenly.
My flight is booked July 3rd. My electricity and gas get turned off the 1st, and everything gets removed the 30th. I get home on the 4th & ohmygod this is going so quickly. Oh, and now my rat has a new 'home' too (or at least a shelter to get her one without snakes).
Let's pause for a second.
OHMYGOD!
So after 4 years living in New York city and some of the stupidest, wildest, most fun, scariest experiences of my life, and I'm moving back home. I came to do what I set out to do: I made an amazing set of friends and got an honors degree from a top US university. I will never forget these years and they have made me ridiculously and overly strong and determined.
But alas, I miss home. I miss Heinz spaghetti bol, I miss calling umbrellas brollies and alleyways ginnels. I miss tea whenever anything goes wrong (oh, you're dying. I'll get you a cuppa sweet tea!), and I miss just sitting in a local pub on a Sunday without tourists taking pictures nearby. So in 3 weeks time I'm moving back.
I had my cat adopted yesterday and my rat will be adopted in next week. My gas company settles up on 15th and I'm arranging cable and electric next week. I have to close my bank account, ship anything I can, pack my suitcases, give away any good furniture in my apt and trash anything bad. And then I need to fly home.
This is a large reason why I made this site: keeping in touch with NY friends beyond facebook status updates. Of course, there will be phone calls and hopefully visits both ways, but this is a nice way to tell everyone what's happening all at once.
-Emily
